people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
