There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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