Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
