i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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