it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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