Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
