she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
