Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
