My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
