i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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