Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
