just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
