found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
