found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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