the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
