I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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