You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
