i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
