did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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