so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
