I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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