Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
