oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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