one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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