I'm drive I can fine osifer
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
