seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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