He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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