I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
