I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
