HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
