i jhust puked up my retainher.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize