apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
