Ambien. No doubt about it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
