there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
