He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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