i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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