quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish you could order shots online.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
