I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
