Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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