Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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