I wish I could teleport
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
