I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
