I cut my penus on the lid.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize