what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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