it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
