from now on my penis is your penis
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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