4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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