but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We need a shit load of segways right now
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
