my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
