what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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