dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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