I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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