I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
