No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
