HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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