mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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