this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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