I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
