You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
