He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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