Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
