dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
