the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
